Dear Friends,
Since I seem to be putting it all there lately, I need some help.
I am a self-diagnoser. The Internet does not help this, but in this case, I think it may be a blessing.
Last night I came to the realization that I am suffering from postpartum depression. I have not been happy for awhile now. It takes a lot to get out of bed, in fact if I didn't have kids I probably wouldn't. I am constantly on my husband's and daughter's case. I have no motivation to do anything. I have been blaming myself for my son's cold by thinking that it is my fault because I stopped breast feeding. I am overwhelmed and can hardly focus during the day. Yesterday I was sitting on the couch and just started sobbing. It happened to me in church a few weeks back too, Becca was witness to that.
Anyways, the second I said it out loud to my husband I felt better. It was like a large hurdle. I know I need help from a professional, I just don't know how to pick one, who to go to etc.
My family is suffering along side of me, I need to get help.
Have any of you been there? I know sometimes it is hard to admit, and you don't have to comment, but please give me a call or an e-mail. Be prepared for tears, that seems to be all I do lately.
Please pray.
I love you all,
Kim
14 comments:
Oh sweetie! Thanks for sharing this I know it was hard for you. I felt like that for a little while after I had Asher this summer!
Three kids, Tight on money, Feeling fat, flabby and saggy, and thinking there was no way I could be a good mother to three children. I was totally overwhelmed for a while, unmotivated, snappy, tired, you know your there right now. I can totally relate to what your going through. I can't say I went through it for that long but long enough to know how trying it is.
I'm sorry I can't recommend a physician (maybe ask your OB)for such a scenerio but I can recommend prayer. I know when the enemy started in at me and depression began to sink in I hit my knees and began to pray all the time. When I sobbed on the couch I cried to God for help. It was so hard and as usual I got tired and grew impatient. I remember how asshamed I felt to tell Adam and he is my husband. But he accepted it and loved me more. I remember thinking I shoudl talk to my OB about this and see if I can get some meds or something. But just as I was at wits end Adam joined me in prayer and finally darkness was lifted and I began to feel better about myself.
Kim you are so incredible. I Hope that you can find help wether it be through a physician, your family, your friends or an entire combination of the 3. Know that I am praying for you.
I keep a prayer journal on my night stand next to my bed in it I keep a list of people and things I'm praying for and I pray for those people and things daily until my prayers are answered. I can gaurentee I will keep you lifted in my prayers till I hear of you enjoying happier days. You deserve to be happy and your family deserves to see you and enjoy you being happy.
I want you to know though you have been feeling gloomy i'm still able to see the bright, thoughtful, bubbly you shine through! Love ya-and I'm here for ya.
wow sorry i didn't realize that comment would be so long....I just started typing and I guess It took awhile for me to stop. :/ sorry.
Oh Kim, I don't think there is any better things to say to you than what Priscilla said. Please know that you are not alone. I have dealt with it with each of my pregnancies. After I had my miscariages I even went on medication for a while. It really helped me. I would recommend calling your O.B. tomorrow and making an appointment ASAP. I will be praying for you.
I loved talking to you. Please know I am praying too. And you can call anytime. I promis if I am home to answer to call you back asap.
Love you Kim.
Oh, Kim. You are not the only one. All I can say is that you have a ton of women who are here to support you and love you through this time. And you have a Father who understands. I'm glad you're going to talk to your doctor and I'll be praying for you that God would reveal to you what steps you can take to start feeling more like yourself.
My own personal prozac: exercise. It did a world of good when I was going through this last year.
Kim...I have totally been there. It's a hard thing to admit. Last year I was fighting constantly with my husband for no reason and screaming at my oldest and sadly my baby as well. How awful is that! I'd cry a few times for no reason and slept any chance I got. I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with postpartum depression/anxiety disorder with a extremely off the record kind of score. I started Zoloft, and let me tell ya, my husband is soooo thankful for my medication. I was ashamed at first to think I was going to take anti-depressant medication. Now, I'm very open about it. My life saver!!! I thought I was going to lose it. Please call me if you need to talk. I know you don't know me very well, but I'm here if you would like to talk.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I remember just after Allyson was born I felt the same way. Was I really ready to be a mom, was I ready for all the challenges that was ahead for me. Then when Thomas was born I was really overwhelmed. Would I be able to care for two? Then I realized that what I needed to do was pray. I asked God everyday for the strength and wisdom to get through each day. When I told my husband that I don't think that I can do this, it was like a burden had been lifted. My MIL is a powerful prayer leader and prayed with me everyday. For me it was knowing that my family loved me and prayed for me. I am praying for you. We can talk some more on Tuesday.
~Danielle :)
You know when you said you said it out loud to your husband...I was reminded, two weeks after Luke was born I was constantly fighting the tears. My sister stopped by and asked, "How are you doing?" That was it. I think I cried for an hour, maybe two. I was sure Luke was starving, that I didn't have enough milk. I was sure I wasn't meant to be a mother. I was sure Sergio would never find me attrative again! It was such a relief to just cry. What courage you have asking for advice and support. I agree with everyone. Pray, make an appt with your OB, get a referral, go on meds if you must. We have so many resources, it would be ashame not to use them. You got a whole crew of women praying for you. Sending you a big hug.
The best prescription is Dr. Jesus! From a spiritual point of view, Post Partum Depression can be suffered by males as well as females. Now please understand where I'm coming from. While with women this appears at a specific physical point in time and associated with that time in life after a woman delivers a child, you'd be surprised to know the number of men who suffer similar symptoms. I'm not trying to minimize what you are going through, but if you understand that things dealing with emotions and the mind are indeed of a spiritual nature, you can see why your "feelings" and thoughts are at an all-time low.
Understand that the word of God says "the joy of the Lord" is your strength. If that joy can be stolen, then you are weakened and it becomes difficult to function. The way to conquer this is to keep the joy of the Lord in your heart and in your home through the playing of good Christian music and praying non-stop. Praying non-stop does not mean on your knees 24/7, but we all can pray while doing dishes, working at a desk (I do this all the time), and even while changing diapers.
The bible is full of remedies for depression and they are all without negative side effects. I would encourage you to make an appointment with your pastor, I'm sure he would be able to give you a good biblically based prescription. You can also listen to my sermon podcast entitled "The Power of Praise" dated August 18, 2007...praise can work wonders!
I will also lift you up in prayer...trust God, He is your refuge.
God Bless!
Kim,
It must have been really hard to admit this and probably a relief as well. I had it for a few months with my first baby, Hannah. I had really aweful thoughts about Hannah and how I just wanted to run away. I couldn't take the responsibility and pressure. It finally, slowly faded away and I was able to enjoy spending time with Hannah and also Josh when he came along. There is so much responsibility that comes along with raising kids. It can be very overwhelming. I will pray for you Kim. "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you." If you find that you have tried everything and still are having a difficult time then maybe medication will help for awhile. Just follow what you think your heart is telling you to do. Also, call friends, other mothers, myself included when you need help or time away to just breathe. It's important. Anytime okay. Your sanity is more important than anything. And you're not alone.
Kim, My love, Thank you for sharing this. I hope from all the comments you mostly feel loved and cared about because that is the message we all want to send. Prayer and filling your life with more Jesus obviously is uplifting but I am also thankful that God gave us medical professionals and safe medication that can also aid in pulling us out of the dark enough to be able to experience joy. I would recommend anyone at Midvalley Counseling. So many loves and hugs to you my dear. And babysitting is still on the table. I'll bring my date book on Tuesday and we'll get something set.
Thank you for sharing this. I know we don't really know each other, besides in the blog world,(I hope to meet you soon at a MOPS meeting!) but please know you are in my thoughts. If ever there is anything you need, I will help you.
Kim-no one knows better than you what you need to do. Your Primary physician will be able to help you decide if you need medicine or not. If you would like me to go to the doctor appt with you, I would be more than happy to. I understand where you are at right now-I've been there-and its very overwhelming. Call me if you would like too, you know the church number and ask for me. Love you Kim, and this will get better! People told me that-and I just thought they said that because there kids were grown. I am saying that because I am here to help along with many others and we will make sure it happens.
Kim-no one knows better than you what you need to do. Your Primary physician will be able to help you decide if you need medicine or not. If you would like me to go to the doctor appt with you, I would be more than happy to. I understand where you are at right now-I've been there-and its very overwhelming. Call me if you would like too, you know the church number and ask for me. Love you Kim, and this will get better! People told me that-and I just thought they said that because there kids were grown. I am saying that because I am here to help along with many others and we will make sure it happens.
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