I found it very interesting that my sister and I started off the morning yesterday with a conversation about how neither of us are perfect mothers. Then it got more interesting, I went to Leslie's blog and found this post.
I think too often us mothers don't admit our faults. We are not perfect. This conversation with my sister made me think of a Desperate Housewives episode, (now don't tune out now, there is some validity in this one particular episode) One of the mothers Lynette decides that in order to handle her I believe four kids and get everything done that she needs to she takes her child's ADD medicine. This leads to a huge breakdown where she finds herself sitting in the middle of a soccer field all used up. Her friends find her there and it isn't until then that they all start to admit their parenting mistakes.
It is all to easy to keep our mistakes to ourselves, but what affect does that have on our fellow moms who are friends? If we think you are perfect then we will judge ourselves for not being as perfect as we think the rest of you are.
So here is to admitting our regrets. I am going to name a few of mine, it is up to you if you want to comment with a few of yours.
I have spanked my daughter once, and felt so bad that I cried with her. Only later to call a friend and hear that she has done the same.
I have not noticed a poopy diaper and it caused diaper rash.
I have started my son on formula because I can't handle the pressure of keeping my milk supply up.
I have forgotten to make dinner only to send my daughter to sleep on a meal of cheese, milk and goldfish.
I have gotten in the car in the garage, put my 2 year old in her seat, get ready to pull out when I remember that my infant is happily strapped into his infant carrier sitting in the middle if the kitchen.
I have yelled.
Given, none of these are serious mistakes, but they are there. I am not perfect. I do the best with what I have to work with. I love my children, and I know they know they are loved.
90% of the time I do a great job.
9 comments:
Hey girl! I love this post. Let's see, I've pretty much done all those things you have, and I would venture a guess that most of us have.
It is easy to get into the mom trap of trying to act perfect, not usually to be snobby, but because we want everyone to know how much we love our kids and how much we do for them because of that.
This is a great topic for sure.
I agree, and so happy some of you are admitting to being less than perfect. I get intimidated to go to MOPS or make friends with some of you moms because of my faults. I feel that everyone is living some perfect life. "what's wrong with me", I ask myself. So, I just keep quiet and listen to your stories. Thanks Leslie and Kim!!!
Kim, what a great post! It amazes me that you are so hard on yourself for your 'faults' listed but then when I think of some of the things I've done, hey, you are, by far, a better mom than I am!!!
The thing that messes up me the most is the thinking that my kids should KNOW how to behave by now. I catch myself expecting them to be able to do certain things and bottom line is, they can't! They're too little or immature or whatever. I have unreasonable expectations of them and have had to reevaluate time and time again.
Like Ona, it is hard to meet new people and not 'judge' them for showing their 'perfect' parenting or whatever it is that we make up since we don't know who they are at all. And usually the reality of it is that they may seem 'perfect' from the outside but really, they are not, they have the same problems we do, they just hide them better or choose not to show that side of themselves because deep down they are ashamed and who in the world needs to know that we are ashamed of ourselves?
Thanks for sharing your insecurities. I know how hard it is to do that, especially when you think about what people will think about you. But bottom line is, we are who we are and God loves us no matter what. He is the ultimate judge of our character, of our hearts, right?
I've driven around town to find I've forgotten to actually strap the darlings in.
My biggest fault is I'm a screamer. I hate it and yet it seems so effective...at times.
I'm working on it.
Alida might as well of writen her comments with my name attached. I too have driven all over town to find out that my newborn was not buckled into her seat. I too am a major yeller. I really wish I wasn't. Leslie's post was so perfect yesterday just to remind us that we are human and all our kids need to know is that we LOVE them and that we are not perfect. Thanks Kim for posting this today.
You are so not the only one!
Deep breath, here are a few highlights of my mad parenting skilz:
1. I didn't want to be a mommy- I spent the whole first part of the pregnancy feeling sorry for myself. And then I spent months feeling guilty and afraid I had messed her up before she was even born.
2. I have been known to throw shoes at my husband in anger.
3. Claire found herself crawling around our moving camper bus one time when I was sure I strapped her in.
Oh my gosh!! I could have the longest post here. I have 4, so 4 times the messing up!!!
1. I have set my child in their carseat on the counter NOT buckled in and they have fallen out....now guess which one or is it 2?
2. I come from a family of yelling. And find myself many times doing it to my own.
3. Like Erin, I think my kids should know how to behave, I mean come on, they are 7, 5, and 3!! They have had many years to learn.
4. Just tonight, I didn't change Renae, cause I couldn't smell anything, come to find out she was dirty and her bottom hurt. Just TONIGHT!!
5. I could go on for sure. But know you are not alone girl! But the kids know they are loved!!!! That is what counts.
This is a great topic! :) It's great to know that we are not perfect and don't really have to be. We just need to show our kids that we love them! And I think in the end that's all that really matters.
~Danielle :)
Ohhh the brutal truth...the stuff we never want to admit...the yucky stuff that we hate to admit. Sometimes it's so much easier to pretend we're perfect, than actually admit we lose it sometimes!
I recently walked out of Great Harvest Bread, only to have to turn around and go back to retrieve my daughter from the stool she was sitting on!
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