Wednesday, June 6, 2007

My path with God

I just got done reading Molly's post and was inspired to share my faith story. Growing up I have always had God in my life.
After attending Class 100 I realised that I had God in the back seat instead of the driver's seat. (thanks Pastor Ben for that perspective) I knew he existed, I prayed when I got a chance, usually praying for the wrong reasons. To be honest I didn't lead the most Christian life. I am sure He was disappointed with me, but I know he had a plan.
For four years I poured my heart and life into the wrong person. I ended up flunking out of college and losing a lot of my friends. The saying everything happens for a reason is an understatement though. If it had not been for my small obsession with this wrong person I would not have been sent into the path of my husband.
I too had a calling. God seems to speak to me in dreams, I think He figured out that that was the only place I would slow down enough to hear him. About a week before I found out I was pregnant with Ava I had a dream that God was handing out tickets for babies and I got one. Now picture this, I was 22 years old, madly in love with the man I knew I would marry some day absolutely not ready for a baby. I dismissed the dream, and went on with my life. But this dismissal was different, usually I dismiss a dream and never think about it again, but I couldn't forget it.
Now I know why. My dad came home from Texas for a two week vacation. Richard asked him permission to marry his daughter one Saturday. The next Friday we found out we were pregnant, the following Thursday we got married. When I found out I was pregnant I was at first ashamed. I thought my life was over, I thought I had ruined Hubby's life and I thought my father would disown me. I was wrong. after the initial shock Hubby got excited, my Dad forgave Hubby and I was now a wife and a mother to be.
I still had a lot of remorse that I had gotten the cart before the horse but my Pastor Mike at the time cured that. He told me to ask the Lord for forgiveness and then to put the shame out of my heart. I did this and then the Lord reminded me of my dream. I felt at ease. I was supposed to become a mother then. The circumstances were arranged how God wanted them. He arranged it so that my life of sin would be turned into a life lived for him.
Hubby and I decided that now that we were going to be parents we needed to attend church and become closer to God. Princess brought us closer to God. I started hearing him more and more. I still have a longing to be a minister, I just don't know how to go about it. I know in my heart that some day I will be preaching in front of a congregation. I don't know when, I will need a lot of guidance but I will be there.
Now here is the amazing miracle of this story. I mentioned that I lived a life of sin. Hubby and I were having sex before marriage and weren't using regular contraceptives. There is a pill called the morning after pill and it is an awful thing. I was young and didn't know the meaning of it or what it really did but let me tell you I know now and think that it should be banned.
What the morning after pill does is make the walls of your uterus so thin that an embryo can't attach to the lining. So pretty much you have already conceived the baby just doesn't have anywhere to attach to grow. This pill is 99% effective.
A year ago I found a piece of paper that knocked me to the floor. The week that I was told I conceived, I had a prescription filled for the morning after pill. I took the pills. Princess survived.
God wanted me to be a mother and made sure that I would be one. I cry every time I remind myself that. So when Princess is throwing a fit or I wonder what happened to my life. I too can look into my child's eyes and know that God has a plan for me and my family, and that he wont put us up against anything we can't handle.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I so get it. I understand the shame element and wanting to be pure, and not knowing how to be-until God enters the picture, that is.

The great news is, that you and I (and all sinners that have accepted Christ) have been purified by God, no longer stained by sin and appointed to live with Him forever. It doesn't matter what the sin is, it is the choosing to follow God in your life. He cleanses all sin and shame.

You are really an awesome mom Kim. I look at you, and I see you have a definite love for Ava and Richie.

I know that God gave me my 4 beautiful kids to remind me of my past and be thankful for the future I have with them. You have been given the same gift in your children and your marriage.

Thank you for sharing.

Sharon said...

What an incredible journey, made possible because we serve such an incredible God. His ways are so different and better than our ways. Having Him in the driver's seat is always the right move. Way to go, Kim!

Glory Laine said...

What a wonderful honest post. God has a special plan for Ava. I'm so glad she's here.

So I have known about your blog for awhile even had is on my favoriates list and check it daily. The problem, somehow I saved only a specific post not the entire blog, so it looked to me like you just hadn't posted in months. Yikes. I've got alot of reading to do.

Alida said...

Thank you for sharing. It's funny how sometimes we are so ashamed of things we've done, only to find out how truly loved we are. We have a perfect God that loves us no matter what and for those of us that are blessed we have our mates that love us knowing about our past and are still willing to share their future with us.

We all also have our friends. Though our journeys differ, we are so much all in the same boat. Sharing our struggles, triumphs and even our shame unites us. I'm so grateful to you for opening yourself up and sharing.

Lion Heart said...

Kim, Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. I feel like I know you so much better because I'm able to read your blogs I'm grateful for that. Its always good to hear the good works of God in people and his special plans for each one of us. I support your dream. You go girl.

Their Giant said...

Wow. It's it amazing how NOTHING can get in the way of God's plans? I love that. I also love that He doesn't want us to continue in shame and how He uses even the things that we are ashamed of for His glory.

Great, honest post. I'm inspired to go a little deeper.

momaof4 said...

Kim I am a little slow, I skim post and if they are serious, I hold them off till I can totally focus on them, minus 4 munchkins!!

I love you for sharing, that takes courage. I knew the second we started e-mailing that I liked you. We had fire and determination. Maybe you will be the next Coordinator!! Your could preach away ;)

Anonymous said...

First you were ashamed, but with your awesome family and support, you made it thru this and have not only a wonderful daughter, but also your new son. You also have the forgiveness and love of our God- what else could you want?

Anonymous said...

Sissy, what a wonderful testimony, I think it's great you shared it. Your amazing. I think you would make a wonderful minister. I am so proud of you words cannot even explain it. Love you love you love you.